I have a house full of people who came from all over to visit with us here in New York, including two who attended the protest against Prop. 8 in lower Manhattan today. Of course it sparked loads of conversation, and I guess now is as good a time as any to talk about my feelings on gay marriage.
This is what I believe with every fiber of my being: I disagree with the idea of government being a part of marriage. The ONLY reason I am legally married is because it was important to Rob and our families. Since the beginning of human civilization, marriage has always been in the eye of the community, not the government. If the community did not recognize you as married, you were not. If they did, you were. The government stepped in relatively recently, and began issuing licenses for marriage as a way to keep tabs on people and control them. You know how I feel about that. (Thumbs down!) Remember, “license” is another word for “permission”. If the government didn’t approve of two people getting married, they would not give permission.
At some point, a government issued license became the hallmark of “marriage”, NOT the social recognition it always had been throughout human history. What this did was allow certain people who would have NEVER gotten society’s permission to be married to wed, most notably inter-racial couples. (Interesting to note, a mere 42 years ago, MY inter-racial marriage would not have been recognized by the government as valid.) That sounds fantastic, but it also changed the definition of marriage to be “a state of monogamy recognized by the government” instead of a covenant between two people in the eyes of God/god/whatever religion and community.
The problem now is that when people who wish to be married cannot by legal terms, society will not allow them to be married, either. Two people cannot just say, “We are married.” and have their community say, “Yes, they are.” which is how it SHOULD be, and IS in a truly free society. Now, they have to prove that the government has given them permission to be married before society will recognize them as married. It’s backwards and reversed. It’s not changing anything in people’s hearts, either.
If the government eventually allows two people of the same gender to marry, there will still be people who say, “I don’t care. I will NEVER recognize those creeps as married!” Conversely, if they never do, there will always be people who will accept, without the least bit of hesitation, two women saying, “We are married.”
I would like to see us taking marriage, in all its forms, away from the government, and putting it back in the eyes of society where it belongs.
I support any union between two people who love and care for each other, without hurting anyone else or being a burden to society, whether they be a man and a woman, man or man, woman or woman, or whatever other combinations exists.
Traditions aren’t always the best thing. Back in the days, men can take women in their possession, against the woman’s will, and call her his wife. These days, that can be classified as kidnapping and rape.
Another tradition that is still carried out today is arranged marriages. Again, not always taking the will of the woman, or the man. In societies that still practice this, what is in consideration is the perception of marriage of the community – who should be married to whom, based on class, family lineage, etc… Why do you think there’s an increase in divorce rate in countries like India?
G.
16 Nov 08 at 10:05 pm
wow – i just read my comment and i sound (read?) drunk!
G.
17 Nov 08 at 2:08 pm
well, i know you weren’t drunk!
I don’t think the community should get to actually pair people together. I’m not talking about Communism. I’m talking about the community accepting a union. No matter what situation, there will always be a community that will accept any union that wishes to be called a marriage as married… you might just have to find a new community! You can say this isn’t fair, but being legally married doesn’t mean society automatically accepts you either; there are folks in this country who are racist and view me, a half-black person and Rob, a Jew, as sub-human and therefore not married. But MY community accepts me and him as married, and that is all that’s important to me.
theambershow
17 Nov 08 at 3:06 pm