Curved

This is the only part of my bikini-clad body I will post on the internet!

I have to figure out an exercise I like, because, for reals, I need to whip my bod into shape. I hate working out. Hate. It’s not like there is one redeeming thing about working out that I can focus on, like in almost every other unpleasant task I have to do. It’s just hatred all the way down. I hate exercise clothes. I hate sports bras that do NOTHING to keep the girls from bouncing everywhere. When the tag on your bra reads “36F”, you can’t just walk into Target and pick up a $15 special with the dog food. I hate the beginning, middle and end of exercising. That whole, “hitting your stride” thing that is supposed to happen after a few minutes does not happen to me. Having my heart pound scares the shit out of me. I’m allergic to my sweat. I hate not breathing properly; my nasal passages are freakishly narrow (I’m not making this up: a doctor told me so!) so getting winded makes it so hard to breathe. Even at the end, when you’re supposed to feel good, I don’t. I derive exactly zero joy from working out. And I loose weight SO. SLOWLY! It’s a loose-loose-loose-loose-looser situation. But I really want to get in shape because I want to live longer, and not ache when I wake up, and not worry about what fits and what doesn’t, and I want to have as healthy a pregnancy as possible when the time comes, so I can be a good mom.

I’m kind of stumped, though, as to how to go about this. Someone told me I had “the perfect body for belly dancing.” I was all, “Aren’t belly dancers supposed to be skinny?!” and she said only in Hollywood. Real belly dancers are, um, fuller. So there’s a possibility, although I swear I can’t think of anything more awkward and embarrassing for me than first day in belly dancing class. I’m getting hives thinking about it. Another possibility that was suggested to me is Bikram Yoga, which is yoga you do in a really warm room. I love being warm; I think it would be a good fit for me. I’m into low-impact and non bouncy for two painfully obvious reasons, and a handful of others, too: my back hurts, my knees hurt, my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts.  All the time.  Every day.  It really sucks.

The biggest obstacle, though, will be making the transition from being the type of person who goes about ignoring everything from my neck down to paying attention to my body. I’m a completely cerebral person. I don’t just mean the fact that I’m good at maintaining my brain by constantly reading and learning new things, either. It’s physical, too. My daily skin care regimen is strict, and I keep my eyebrows neat and tidy. I love doing my makeup, and I really like when my hair is cute. I tend to regard my body as something to carry my head around on, and I don’t give it too much thought… and now I’m going to shift gears and give try. Weird.

I’m really scared, actually!

P.S. This is so oversharey of me. I know. I kind of can’t help myself these days. Look at me! Letting loose! Woo!