So Thursday I shower but I can’t find anything because everything is still everywhere and I’m running around in the cold in a towel and I haven’t shaved my legs in four days because I haven’t unpacked my razor (and this is gross), nor could I find my comb and so my hair is a big knot (but this makes it look cute… who knew?) but it feels uncombed and that’s gross.
It kept getting later and later and I wasn’t ready to leave for work because, like I said, everything is everywhere, and I haven’t slept in, like, four days, nor have I had good food to eat in a week, and I’ve been crying my head off every day because, apparently, this is now what I do, and the kitchen is still dirty and then I couldn’t find my keys, so I said “Dear God, please help me find my keys” and I still couldn’t find them and then the worst thing that has ever, ever happened to me happened to me:
I stopped believing in God.
This has never happened to me, in 23 years, through all the stupid shit I’ve been through, never, ever ever. Never even crossed my mind. It took me three seconds to go from atheist back to believing again, but in those three seconds I felt a black, hollow empty feeling unlike anything I’ve ever felt before, and if you grew up not believing in God, I’m sorry for you.
I apologized (and found my keys) and went to start my car. It turned over and died. Bob Dylan’s song “Idiot Wind” came on. I got the point, and tried a sincere apology. The car started right up.