Are you ever fake nice to someone?
I started thinking about this the other day when my friend Jerilyn posted on Facebook: “completely irked when strangers in the elevator tell me to ‘Smile!’. Bah!”
I hate it, too, because it’s not a strangers place to tell me what expression to have. What’s worse is that 99% of the time it’s an older man cajoling a smile out of me, the younger, pretty woman, as if to say, “You, young lady, are to beam happiness and light for my enjoyment”.
What I hate more, though, is that I automatically smile back. Before thorny indignation has a chance to prickle my expression into a grumpy harrumph! and offer up a zingy one-liner (or just a terse “Fuck off.”), Miss Nice, overgrown and bossy, comes bursting out with an obligatory smile. “Here you go. One syrupy sweet facial expression, just like you ordered. Have a nice day, sir, and thank you for keeping me in line.”
Damnit! Smiled again!
I’m not saying I want to be telling little old men in elevators to fuck off. If your last erection was during the Regan administration, I’ll forgive you for being anti-feminist and make do with an eye roll. It’s those creepy 50 and 60 year old guys need to be told to STFU.
Do I actually need to take Meanness lessons? How do I squash down this “nice girl” tendency that seems to have ingrained itself? How do we raise our daughters (and little sisters, and younger cousins, of which I have two that I love more than anything) to be strong enough to not smile-on-command, or worry about being a Good Girl at the expense of being a strong woman?
That, more than anything, is is what’s important.
I never hesitate to tell someone to eff off or STFU if/when the situation calls for it. But that’s because I come from a long line of women who do exactly that… so I don’t think I can offer any “mean” advice, because it comes naturally to me. That said, I think the hardest part is doing it for the first time, after that it just keeps getting easier. =)
West Coast Amber
4 Mar 10 at 5:12 pm
hahahhahahaha – imagine my surprise this morning when i click on your blog (which I love) to see what’s goin’ on in your world and see my name and my status update from earlier this week!! Love it!
jerilyn
5 Mar 10 at 12:56 pm
oh, and my usual reaction is to give up a half-hearted smile when I’m secretly thinking “FU, A**hole!”. There is the most annoying Fed Ex man in our building who thinks it’s his job to get me to smile – Bahhhhh!
jerilyn
5 Mar 10 at 1:05 pm
Ugh, I hate when people tell me to smile. Usually I just say, “No thank you” in my most polite voice and just keep staring straight ahead with my scowl firmly in place. You don’t actually have to SAY “fuck off” to say fuck off, you know what I mean?
Amy F.
5 Mar 10 at 1:24 pm
Love this entry, go girl power zines.
SL
Sarah Longueuiel
5 Mar 10 at 2:55 pm
Love this entry… go girl power zines
SL
Sarah Longueuiel
5 Mar 10 at 2:57 pm