Un-Nesting
In addition to a slight crisis of career confidence, there is currently a flurry of un-nesting up in here, which is not a word, but which is totally a thing that is happening that involves me side-eyeing my vast collection of cookie sheets and fancy baking items and thinking, “Huh. I could really use this space over my cabinets to store shoes”. It turns out that a lot of things I’ve held on to no longer seem to fit into my life. This is not particularly deep; I’m thinking of the $250 All-Clad roasting pan that I never use. Guys, who has stuff like this?
Amber circa 2007 does. Amber these days orders take out a whole lot.
This recent identity shift from life partner to single lady is one in a long series that spans from the past seven years or so (and all chronicled, for better or worse, on this blog.) I’ve gone from a struggling barista living in a friend’s unfinished basement to married lady and home owner, from home-owning suburbanite to renting New Yorker, from a chubby lady to a thoughtful woman that watches what she eats and works out, from passive believer to staunch atheist, and housewife to artist and business owner. I made the difficult but ultimately healthy decision to stop speaking to my parents in there, too, and even my name has changed a few times. (More on that soon, by the way.)
It’s jarring, and difficult to deal with because I wasn’t raised like this. You grow up, you get married, you have babies. That’s it for your major life changes. You live in the same place for a long time, you go to the same church, you have the same job and friends. Do you know that my grandmother lives in the house she moved into when she was 23? She’s rounding the bend to 60 years in the same space. I’ve moved eight times in 10 years. There’s no precedent for me to look at, and maybe that’s the case for everyone, but it feels even more in this case.
It’s not been all bad, but I’m tired, and struggling with how to think about it, how to really process it, as the business of being a “real adult” in my 30′s is now at hand (“OMG Amber, go to therapy.” you are saying, and I know.)
I know there’s been a whole lot of fear in my blog “voice” as of late, but I have faith still that it will all shake out ok, I’m just… tired and venting.
You deal with this shit too?
Daffodil Campbell
7 Sep 12 at 12:13 am
I feel yah. But keep the all-clad. You never know…………. My blog is my therapy, btw. It’s cheaper, and I can do it in my underpants.
nikkiana
7 Sep 12 at 12:15 am
Aye, I do indeed deal with this shit, too. We need to go out for coffee sometime.
Patrice
7 Sep 12 at 2:02 am
Daffodil is speaking my language. All Clad 4 Eva. The idea that a single lady can’t have fancy times is not the jam…I get the less stuff, but quality stuff is always bonus. When it gets cold roast a caribou or some such fancy meats and have a dinner party….Fixed It!
my honest answer
7 Sep 12 at 4:49 am
Oh yeah, we all deal with this shit, you’re not alone.
I second the recommendation to keep the all-clad. If you feel the need to purge, I’m sure there’s other stuff that can go. These days I’m prizing quality over quantity, so I’m paring back on cheap ‘stuff’ that just clutters the place, rather than adding value. But if you really feel you won’t use the roasting pan, I’m sure someone you know would love it as a gift.
Cindy
7 Sep 12 at 9:02 am
I don’t even own one of those roasting pans. And yes…we all deal with it. Some times I feel guilty for enjoying it. I rearranged and decorated the way I wanted to with out compromise. Then I felt guilty for doing it. But we all grow and change. Who knows what the next year will bring. You may end up hosting a huge Thanksgiving dinner party and need that pan for turkey roasting.
It’s OK to be scared.
Amber
7 Sep 12 at 12:44 pm
Is it wrong that I’m swooning over that roasting pan?
And you are and you will continue to be kickass.
You swoon because you are nesting! See? Nesting and un-nesting is totally a thing.
Any day now on that baby, right? I’m excited for you.
Amber
7 Sep 12 at 11:31 pm
Yes, any day! Wednesday the 12th at the latest! And un-nesting totally is a thing.
Amy
8 Sep 12 at 11:35 am
I hear ya. I’ve been through a similar transformation. I wish we could go drink beer and toast to big changes that suck but ultimately turn out okay.
Alisa
12 Sep 12 at 10:28 am
I have my own brand of depression. I wake up, get to work, stay miserable the whole day, drink myself to sleep, and wake up to do it all over again. What coping?
misstraceynolan
14 Sep 12 at 1:00 am
Can you store shoes IN the All Clad??? I’m feeling unsettled too. BIG career changes. So fearful. In a good way. Thank you for sharing your stories.
Tameka Allen
15 Sep 12 at 9:33 am
I’m not sure if it hurts or helps to say that I completely understand where you are in the process. In retrospect I found the only thing more arduous than building a family was disassembling one and the painstaking process of keeping those parts of your self in tact whilst doing so. That being said, good pots are always a good thing–always, and this is coming from someone who sold every stitch of content from our family home. Shoes and All Clad are like good friends and beer–priceless and ever necessary in times like these. I wish for you a clear and fearless mind and the strength to pave your new path, wherever it leads you.
Tracey
26 Sep 12 at 11:16 am
I’m a little in love with you at the moment.