blah blah blah pieces of my memoir

2013, A Dating Story “The Labrador”

In 2013, determined to “get out there”, I went on exactly 30 first dates. I didn’t set out to go on this many; it just sort of happened as I stumbled across interesting men while browsing the online dating site OKCupid. Most dates just consisted of coffee or a glass of wine and then parting ways forever, and the majority were unremarkable. A few produced friends, or lovers, or lovers that became friends. There are a handful of one-night stands, and one or two that were downright awful. These are the stories of some of them.

While walking to this date, a really cute guy got out of the subway and brushed past me.

“MMMm-hmmm!” I thought, checking out his butt. He looked vaguely familiar, and then I got excited. I dialed the number for “David”, my blind date of the evening, who I had only seen in his OKCupid photos. The guy with the cute butt ahead of me reached for his phone.

“Are you walking RIGHT in front of me?” I asked, and David turned around laughing. Score.

It was an amazing date; he was as smart and funny as he was cute. We walked the rest of the way to the bar together and chatted easily, and after two beers I was done drinking but didn’t want to leave, so we had impromptu dinner (I never plan dinner on a first date). I walked him home, and at his front door he gave me “the look”, and I knew, and then we kissed. And…

The kiss was awful.

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” said my girlfriend when we were rehashing. “I mean, you liked him.”

“Think of a Labrador retriever encountering a steak.” I said, and shuddered at the memory.

I figured, though, that amazing first dates are hard to come by, so I would see if I couldn’t offer a few words of encouragement for next time, except next time never happened. Maybe *I’m* the bad kisser, but he never called again, and didn’t answer my text. He checked my profile a few weeks later, and I saw he was now listed as living in California, which… why are you dating if you know you’re moving? I dunno. This City is weird. As one person I went on a date with put it, “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.”

3 Comments

  1. Bailie @ The Hemborg Wife

    25 January 2014 at 8:14 am

    Ugh sloppy tongue kisser are the worst and I always think ewww they just ate like all my lipstick!

  2. Cindy

    27 January 2014 at 2:49 pm

    During my online dating phase, I had so many first kisses that were bad that I really did think that the problem was me. Like this is really how people kissed and I just didn’t know any better. Even my first kiss with Michael was awkward, not necessarily bad, but for sure required a do-over.

  3. Sarah

    7 February 2014 at 9:20 pm

    “The odds are good, but the goods are odd.” HA!

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