Thanksgiving morning found me where I’d wanted to be for years: Watching the parade in New York City. Rob explained the science of dressing for the Thanksgiving Day parade.
“The key,” he said, “is layers.”
“Layers!” everyone agreed. This was my first year going, and Rob’s 23rd. I decided I had to pee, so I walked a few blocks to some fancy hotel. After poking around in the lobby, I finally had to ask someone who worked there where the bathroom was.
“Are you a guest at the hotel?” she asked, really snottily.
I really can’t think of anything much more humiliating than being kicked out of a fancy hotel when you want to pee, so I thought quickly.
“My husband is just behind me,” I said, really smoothly, “and he has reservations.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What’s his name?”
“Oh!” I said, and I smiled and rolled my eyes, “I don’t know what name he’s using this week on the hotels.” I shrugged and gave her what I hoped was a really-famous-person’s-wife kind of smile. I am an excellent liar when I’m lying to strangers.
“The bathrooms are just back that way.” She told me quickly, so I guess she bought it, or she was just giving me a hard time. I peed and exited quickly.
I got to my parent’s house around 1:30 and my mother was surprisingly calm. My dad told me the secret. “I saw she was getting a little stressed out, so I poured her a drink.” A few rounds of whatever the hell she was drinking (it smelled like paint remover) made her calmer. I went home with Grandma because I left my keys with Rob (who stayed one more night in Long Island), and it was really nice to wake up in my bed, which is still there at her house.
Jen and I hung out all day today and made chili. The recipe called for two onions. Halfway through the first one she chopped the top of her thumb, and bled for about half an hour. I opted to chop the second one.
“I won’t have any problems crying with the onions,” I assured her, but man was I wrong. I had a LOT of problems crying with the onions. She smiled at me. “You ok there? I thought you said you weren’t going to have any problems!” I was too choked up to answer. So you had the two of us; she’s bleeding everywhere, I’m crying all over the place, and somehow in the middle, our Disaster Chili got made.
It was amazing.
Her darling husband brought us cheese and crackers and sour cream to go with it. I’m going to try making it myself with less bleeding and crying, and no meat so I can put cheese in it (because meat and cheese together is not Kosher, and the cheddar is what makes it awesome).
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, no one got hurt, and you’re all warmer than I am, as our heat is currently broken… and the maintenance guy is here. Yay!