Even MSNBC joined me in mocking Ms. Kimberly Daniels.

My only worry was how much they’d grow my ass, but according to Kimberly Daniels of the 700 Club, your Halloween Butterfinger has a secret ingredient much scarier than empty calories: demons!

The article was since taken down off the 700 Club’s website after stirring up more chuckles then contrition, but you can read it in it’s entirety here on the Christian Magazine “Charisma”.

Highlights:

“I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.”

There’s demons in that thar candy! I wonder how long you have to wait after Halloween to make sure the supply is safe again?  Do you shop with a Gauss Master?   What happens if you have a possessed Hershey bar, but then you melt it?  Are the demons in a fun-size Snickers bar less scary than than the ones in full-size?  So many questions!

“When nice church folk lay out their pumpkins on the church lawn, fill their baskets with nuts and herbs, and fire up their bonfires, the demons get busy. They have no respect for the church grounds. They respect only the sacrifice and do not care if it comes from believers or non-believers.  Gathering around bonfires is a common practice in pagan worship. As I remember, the bonfires that I attended during homecoming week when I was in high school were always in the fall. I am amazed at how we ignorantly participate in pagan, occult rituals.”

Bon fires, the most wholesome activity I can think of, are satanic.  So are those pumpkin decorations on your front lawn.  Better to smash them.

She ends her ridiculous rant with the oft quoted, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!” and invites readers to join her.  Mmmm, thanks but no thanks.  As for me and my house, we will use logic and reason.

Happy Halloween!

I’m a huge fan of homemade, cheap or free costumes that rely on creativity, rather than a purchased costume that looks cheap and is actually expensive.  I wasn’t planning on being anything for halloween but the spirit caught the best of me as I was getting ready for the parade, and I pulled together a costume last second.  I think it came out pretty good.  I went as a mad scientist,

and Rob revised his tried and true ninja costume, which I think is hilarious.

His ninja costume is really a tee shirt, and my rocking mustache was made from a few bits of scarf fringe that I crazy-glued to a piece of scotch tape. The hair is all my own… it really does get that big.

The parade was awesome, but LONG, and we had to get there early to get a good spot meaning we were there for several hours.  I forgot how deeply I hate the standing around, crowds, cold and waiting of parades.  Next year we plan on being IN the parade; the revelers marching seemed to have way more fun.

Sarah Palin was a popular costume.  One was walking around with her boyfriend dressed as a polar bear that had been shot, another saw spotted a stranger in a moose costume and they instantly staged a photoshoot together.  Several were walking around, pausing every few minutes and squinting into the distance shouting, “Hey Look!  I can see Russia!” and many of them had tiny devil horns poking out of their Sarah Palin wigs.  I love New York.

Have a great weekend!

Happy Halloween!

For the first time in a million years I’ll be carving a pumpkin without Jen. So sad! We would always carve while watching the greatest movie ever.

A few weeks ago we went “family pumpkin picking” with Rob’s parents, sister, nephew and niece so we could get Rob’s parents to pay for our pumpkins spend time with the family, and I got a huge pumpkin with the intention of making it a jack-o-lanteren.  I’m not sure what I want to carve into it, though, and I’m kind of tired, and almost don’t want to be bothered.  Because I was raised believing that Halloween is a holiday of THE DEVIL! and is therefore FORBIDDEN! and will send you TO HELL! if you celebrate it, I don’t have a lot of sentimental attachment to doing Halloweeny stuff.  I do plan on venturing out to the city tonight, though, camera in hand to capture the shenanigans.  There are rumors of a remake of the Ferris Buller’s Day Off parade scene in the Village.  I love this city!